Mind the Gap

Every day I travel just a measily ten miles to work and back yet this may take me sometimes up to two hours each way...And that's rank!

Most days the annoying banal robotic voice comes over the tannoy to tell us how sorry it is my train has been delayed - or worse still, cancelled. Until moving to London, I never knew that robots could be so informative, your train is late due to "a fault with a preceding train", "signalling problems" or "someone has vomited on my lap". If anyone has ever read the book The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams you will know that Marvin the paranoid android was given GPP - Genuine People's Personality. Well I think that the same should be done with both the male and femaile robotic voices on our transport infrastructure. If all is going well with the London Underground then there should be a party fanfare with whistles, bells and a merrily drunk sounding robot slurring their words. If its bad news then maybe the sound of a single bell tolling on a cold winters morning, a crow caws and the robot starts to mumble.................Hmmmmm then again, maybe not. Although I do find it amusing how the robots on the train tell us that we are next pulling into whatever station, as though it is also a traveller too making their own way to work every day.

Many times I wonder why the train operators only use such short carriages. I don't mean the actual length of the carriage is in minature, more along the lines that there are never enough carriages for the volume of people per train. I think I heard once that it was something to do with carriage length V platform length ratio, and that some platforms are simply not long enough to accommodate all carriages on a single train. Now this argument would make sense were it not for the fact that all carriages are interlinking and you can quite safely walk from one to another without requiring to undertake a risk assessment or method of operation first. So even if a certain platform is too short, you can still board safely and walk through, thus ensuring you get a seat and are not as it currently applies, get yourself wedged under the over large smelly armpit of the man standing next to you with his hand on the upper rail steadying himself as the train moves along. Yuk Yuk!

There are said to be around eight million people that live in London and the surrounding areas, of which around one million travel to the city every day by train. At Waterloo station alone there are 16 platforms and at the height of rushour a new train will arrive and leave every couple of minutes. A typical eight car train is meant to hold around one hundred passengers seated per car. Multiply that by eight and you have eight hundred people. However, for those who have ever been to the busiest station in the country - Clapham on a rushour weekday morning, you will know that this is never the case. Without knowing actual figures I have regularly seen around 1500 people disembark by falling out of the doors as the train stops at Waterloo. If the elf and safety bods would ever allow it then I'm sure that Japanese style packers would be stood on the platforms to cram yet another helpless soul onto another square centimetre of space so they too can join in the robotic chorus, followed quickly by, "Mind the Gap".

Then, as if this was not enough comes the worse part.........someone does a silent fart!

Coughs, sneezes, crowds, invasion of personal space and rising fares are all things that the daily commuter has to put up with, and yet they do it day in day out with very little comment. Most people like myself will bury themselves in a free daily newspaper or book, some will either just sit and look out of the window and stare, some will fall asleep, or pretend to be asleep whilst others play annoying tinny sounding music through their personal headphones. Many thanks mate but if I wanted to listed to the greatest hits of the Goombay Dance Band then I would have bought their Christmas Album when it first came out - although for those of you however who may be interested, you can buy it here http://www.amazon.co.uk/Christmas-Album-Goombay-Dance-Band/dp/B0006J1QKI

There is however a more serious side to all of this. Around 200 deaths a year are caused by people wishing to take their own lives by stepping out in front of a moving train whether it is by overland or underground. Whilst I have never personally whitnessed such an incident, I have been caught up in the delays of the aftermath and the views of some of my fellow commuters I have to say is appalling. As far as they are concerned they have been put out for an hour or so from making their way home and loudly voice their opinions about it. Big Deal! As far as I am concerned, someone has found themselves in such a position that the only exit they could see out of their life, is death, and to do it quickly and as painless as possible by going uder the wheels of a train travelling at sixty miles an hour. As mentioned at the top of this blog, I live ten miles from work and if I have to walk the entire journey home one night due to severe disruptions as a result of a suicide then so be it because at the end of the day I arrive back to a loving partner with open arms and food on the table. And just to point out - yes, I have done it.

On a more lighter note some of the other things you see on your daily travels are tourists. London's full of them. They stop to take pictures of landmarks, they stop to take pictures of people, they stop to take pictures of anything. The worse thing out of all of this is that they usually seem to stop right in front of you, and that can sometimes cause a human pile up. Especially when they try and get their luggage through the barriers at a train station which automatically close once a person et sans luggage has gone through. This invariably results in a trapped suitcase and ear piercing whine from the barrier as it screams at you as if to say to bugger off from my doors.

Often, you will see someone with a map and a cofused look on their face, hell I've even done it myself - in fact when I first moved here I didn't even know what an Oyster card was. Now however, I sometimes feel as though I should wear a badge and peaked cap with the words Tourist Information emblazoned on the top as I get asked so many times how do I get to.... Or, which bus shall I catch? Sometimes my answer of "a red one" causes even greater confusion but then I usually relent and show them where to go.

With the London 2012 Olympics rapidly approaching one question that is on many peoples lips around the capital is how are they going to get from A to B without running into problems of over crowded tubes, buses and trains. The ones running the show assure us that plans are in place to avoid hotspots throughout the duration but I have to say personally that I'm a bit sceptical about it all. Already there are large portions of overcrowding on some routes around the capital and I think its just going to get worse before it gets better. I know that for the benefit of the country, having the Olympics here is quite a feat which should help boost the economy, promote good health, wellbeing and friends amongst nations. After all, the money that is being ploughed into the event it is hoped that we should get a good return for our investment. But from a travel perspective, well we are just going to have to see, only time will tell.

Wingwalker.