I'm currently unemployed and looking for a job.
So far I've created three CV's, two covering letters, updated my LinkedIn profile, filled out nearly a hundred application forms, had four interviews, registered with five agencies and feel like I'm flogging one dead horse!
That is until I came to fill out an online form to make an appointment with the UK Government's flagship, Jobcentre Plus. For all of you who are in a job - you are lucky, so don't screw it up. This thing is the stuff of nightmares - it really is! If you have a spare four hours then just try and get yourself the ability to meet with someone face to face at the job centre, as no longer do they accept the average Joe to walk in off the street. Now you have to go through a Central Government website and provide as much information as possible. That is after you successfully navigate your way round the first seven pages in order to successfully obtain a username and password.
So what questions do you get asked? Well it starts off easy enough by wanting to know your home address, marital status and date of birth. But then it goes on to more in depth questions such as why are you applying (erm... to get a job???) how much money do you have in the bank and what do you spend it on? Now at this stage after repeatedly going round a myriad of questions in ever decreasing circles I'm starting to lose my rag and feel like telling the Government how much I like smoking funny things, drinking like a fish and eating Chicken Madras from the local takeaway. But of course I don't... I can't stand Madras!
After what feels like an eternity I then hit one wrong key on my laptop and the whole thing grinds to a halt. I can't go forwards, I can't go backwards. Repeatedly I hit any key on the computer in the vain, sad and at this stage desperate hope of miracle upon miracle I can gain some salvation and get back on track. But abandon hope all ye who enter this dark peril called a Government website. My details, are lost.
So, I take a deep breath, curse, swear and start again!
Enter your username...
Enter your password...
Enter your inside leg measurement...
Enter the first time you ate a Chicken Madras...
Only to be told those immortal words...I'm sorry, your username and password are not recognised. If you wish to make another claim then please follow this simple seven stage process to get you registered and we'll start messing with your head all over again.
At this point I feel like putting my head in my hands and crying. Being out of work is soul crushing and destroying. The days are long and the applications longer. However, every morning I wake up with optimism that today is the day I'm going to be successful, one day I will get there and I will be able to feel what it's like to have money in my pocket and food in my stomach once more. Until then I just have to keep on trying... and trying... and trying.
Wingwalker.
