So I've decided to do todays blog on the best and worst of both species and let you come up with what you think is best. With a little help from a couple of others I've come up with a compilation of both the pro's and cons of the cat versus the dog. I'm told that cats are supposedly independent, make good pest control, are affectionate (yea right, my arse - only when they actually want something) are easy to keep, clean and know when to stop eating when they are full.
However, the reality for me is that they have claws, are ignorant, selfish, totally unaffectionate, just want you for your food and as was pointed out to me last night - they like to sit on your head. Although I have to admit that last comment did come to the surface after whiskey had been consumed so I'm not actually sure if it counts??? Oh and did I say, they have claws too. Savagely they rip you apart with their monstrous talons ripping through your jeans as you try and keep them steady on your lap. As a man you have to be particularly careful otherwise you could get more than just your ears pierced. They can also hiss, they can spit and they can dribble.
Dogs however... are cute, lovable, reliable, enthusiastic, can be good hunters as well as good security guards. They can be trained in the art of search and rescue, they can beat crime by sniffing dope and getting legally high on behalf of the authorities and they can do good works by being an extra set of eyes to aid a blind person.
However, according to my dearly beloved - the cat lover, dogs smell, they are stupid and sit in womens handbags. Hardly an argument when the biased is so heavily one sided, but there you are. And just to prove my point, the extract below is from a well known Diary of a dog and cat, I think its wonderful and sums things up in a nutshell...
Dogs diary.
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Cats diary.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
So, to summarise.....
Dogs rule, I win :-)
Wingwalker.
Dogs diary.
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Cats diary.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
So, to summarise.....
Dogs rule, I win :-)
Wingwalker.
No comments:
Post a Comment